Five people that win… January

Oof my timekeeping skills leave a lot to be desired. Blame a lazy Sunday! Anyway, on with the good stuff.

1. No-one fights like Gaston, does Press-Ups like Gaston…

Ok so he may be a Disney villain and in any other month be placed in the Villain of the Month category, but this January he proved his worth on this list when a visitor to Disneyland dared question Gaston’s muscly credentials and challenge him to a Press-Up contest.

 

Who’s laughing now, Random Tourist Guy?

2.       Tina and Amy. Again for the Golden Globes. I think this is the last time they can present it (is it like the Presidency, two times and you’re out?) so of course they claim back their place on the list.

3.       Stephanie Roche

Ok ok so she didn’t technically win (the honour went to Cristiano Ronaldo), but it’s about time women’s football got more recognition on a level playing field with the men. I can’t pretend to know anything about the game – although I have seen a couple of Women’s Championship games* at Fulham**, which I loved – but Stephanie well deserves a place on this list. I’m sure she’s well touched.

Here’s the goal what did it:

*I think this is what they were/what they are called

**Who knows. There was a field. And possibly a statue of Michael Jackson. I just turned up and cheered to be honest.

4.       #thisgirlcan

I love this campaign. I love working out and don’t give a crap what I look like when I do it – the sweatier, the sexier, I say – so this isn’t really aimed at me, but I see myself in each of these awesome, knackered women.

5. The Ghostbusters

Women! All lovely, funny, sexy, awesome women! Bring it on! I can’t wait to see this. Which brings me to…

All you female-ghostbuster haters out there get the dubious honour of being joint villains of the month. Especially you, Ernie Hudson! F*&k off. Pandering, my ass.

Five people that win… July

1. Tunnocks teacakes.

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For their services to my belly, and their invaluable contribution to the commonwealth games opening ceremony.

2.       Caitlin Moran’s merch

I was lucky enough to score a couple of tickets to the opening night of Caitlin Moran’s book tour to promote her new novel “How to Build a Girl”. Although I have since read the novel and found it wanting*, the merchandise from the (very fun) night has continued to give me joy.

Behold, the Feminist Necklace. Wear with pride and whilst patriarchy-smashing. IMG_20140704_083740

*I may have reached Peak Moran. Although I have always loved her writing, her novel just seems to be a retelling of the tale we’ve heard before in both her articles and her previous book “How to be a Woman” (perhaps the similarly phrased title should have been a warning). I think she needs a new story.

3.       Grosvenor Light Opera Company

In other words, some light self-congratulation. We recently finished our week-long run of The Mikado in Islington Arts and Media School, and in August will be taking the show to the Harrogate International Gilbert & Sullivan Festival. I joined the company (chorus member 4 lyf) last year, when we did Patience, and I haven’t looked back since. I have so much fun doing these shows that I am considering joining the committee next year as I want to get more involved. Although the week of the show is always knackering (especially when you take into account the aftershow party), the joy of being on stage and singing your heart out/hamming it up makes it all worth it.  So, if you’re in Harrogate in August, or even fancy joining our next production, why don’t you check us out?

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4.       Zac Efron riding topless on a horse.

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Hello ladies.

I’ll just leave that there for you.

5. This Grandpa and his mad dancing skillz.

Villain of the month – well, I did waiver about awarding this to Secret Cinema for their amateur bungling about the cancellation of Back to the Future, but as I am off to see it next Sunday I thought I would wait and see what they are offering up before joining the hordes of complainers. Fingers crossed it’s all worth it!

So instead, I award this to the humble handshake. Which apparently is villainously spreading germs all over the place, and instead we should be going around giving everyone fistbumps instead like some kind of deluded 14 year old.

Will file this one under “not on my watch”.

Five people that win… April

1. Victoria Coren-Mitchell

A poker fiend – who knew! Not only was she the first woman to win the European Poker Tour back in 2006, but this April she went and won it again – becoming the first person ever to win twice. Not bad going. In 2009 she published a book – For Richer, For Poorer – A Love Affair With Poker – in which she describes how she came to fall in love with, and excel at, the game. I loved this quote from it, in which she describes winning the tournament in 2006:

And it feels like the moment when Alice has worked out how to get her hands on the little golden key, she has bitten into the magic mushroom and grown larger and smaller and larger and smaller but finally found her balance and taken the key and unlocked the door and she finds herself at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower beds and the cool fountains.

2. Mean Girls – 10 years old on the 30th April!

We’ll gloss over just quite how old that makes me feel, and just bow down at how awesome that film is, and how no teen movie since has really come close since it came out (Although perhaps Easy A is a contender. Another red-head lead actress. Coincidence?) . There are so many articles around at the moment celebrating its genius. A look back at the fashion, perhaps? Are you an expert? Take the quiz! (I scored a quite frankly disappointing 13 out of 20. So not fetch). Can you guess the quotes? (Incidentally, the Prince Charles Cinema in London does regular Mean Girls Quote-a-longs. I think I need to get some practice in.) The news that Tina Fey wants to adapt it into a stage musical just makes my little heart dance with joy.

3. John Green.

Ok. Full disclosure. I am 33 years old. I really have no business in celebrating the awesomeness of teen movies, and sobbing my way through Young Adult novels. But that’s where I am in my life and I own it. And if you’re going to inappropriately sob snotty tears on the tube whilst reading a book written for people nearly 20 years younger than you, then you should do it to a book written by this guy.

I’ve got my timings all wrong with this one, cause the book (The Fault in Our Stars) came out years ago, I read it last year, and the movie adaptation isn’t out until June. I don’t care. I found this interview with him in Vulture, and the extended trailer came out a couple of days ago, and so to me he qualifies for an April win. (My blog, my rules).

I’m gonna need a lot of tissues for this one.

4. Prince George

Breaking Antipodean hearts wherever he goes.

I know this is the future leader of my country, but - look at his little face!

I know this is the future leader of my country, but – look at his little face!

5. Ellen Page

Again, technically I should have put her in February. But this latest interview with her in Flare magazine just reminded me, and the world, what a role model should be. So I’m flaunting my non-existent rules once again.

 

Unrelated, but. Is it just me or does she look like Rose Byrne in this picture?

Unrelated, but. Is it just me or does she look like Rose Byrne in this picture?

And, seeing as I started this last month, I thought I would continue. April’s Villain of the Month just has to be King Joffrey. I will say no more for fear of spoilers, but… Aha. Ahahaahahaha. Aha. That is all.

Five people that win… March

1. Lupita.

 

I hope she’s never off the red carpet.

2. Equality and common sense.

Peter McGraith and David Cabreza, who have been partners for 17 years, hold hands outside Islington Town Hall before their wedding.

Image from theguardian.com

 

Congratulations everyone!

 

3. Wes Anderson (and maybe Ralph Fiennes)

 

I really loved this movie – so beautifully put together and delicious to look at.

 

4. The Women of Westeros

Me and my boyfriend just mainlined season 3 of Game of Thrones. Woah. But the ladies – the ladies are killing it. Bring on Season 4!

 

5. My mum. Obviously. Happy (belated) mother’s day!

 

 

I’ve not done this before, but I think we need to have a Villain of the Month this month. And that dubious award goes to Stylist Magazine for their ridiculous scaremongering in their article on how what beauty products will stop all the disastrous effect that exercise has on your face – including a cream for nearly 250 quid!(Unfortunately I can’t find a link to the article online but I will update here if I find it!)

Seriously. There are (at least) three times in a woman’s life where she really shouldn’t worry about what she looks like – and during exercise is definitely one of them (the other two are during sex and childbirth – you have more important things to be getting on with ladies, enjoy yourself/push* *delete whichever applies). Anyone who mentions the phrase “Runner’s Face” (not a thing) in all seriousness has got their priorities all out of whack, and for a magazine that pushes its feminist credentials, they really should take a long hard look at themselves and what they are telling women. And any woman who coats herself in oil before jumping in a swimming pool I’m in – as suggested in this article – will feel my wrath.

So exercise away, get fit, get strong, move your legs. The smile on your face when those endorphins hit definitely counteracts any saggy runner’s face (not a thing).